"Mommy No Work Today"

I am lucky enough to stay at home during the day with Bug and when Husband gets home in the afternoon, we have about 45 minutes of family time before I leave for work.  We've been doing it for almost 2 years and it's been working out pretty well.  He works during the day while I'm with Bug and then I work during the evening and he's with her.  It's a nice way to have duel incomes and not have daycare expenses.  I won't lie though, it is hard, we're essentially both single parents and we have very little family time together-let alone us time.  He's asleep when I get home from work, so the only time we have together is on my dinner break during the week and the one day a week we both have off together.  It's hard to have a relationship when you hardly see each other.

This week has been especially hard.  I've had to skip my dinner break and stay late every day and I'm also working 2 extra days {I normally work part time 4 days a week}.  Bug is picking up on it, the first thing she says to me every morning is "Mommy no work today," with such hope in her eyes.  When I tell her that I have to work, her head and face drop and she usually says in a sad voice, almost to herself, "no mommy work."  The first couple of days I could handle it, but now it breaks my heart.  She usually tells me at some point throughout the day that she don't want me to work.  Tonight when I was asked to work on my days off, I felt like I was stabbed in the gut with the idea of having to tell her yet again, that yes, mommy has to work tonight.

I try to make the best of it, and usually I can, but it's times like these when I'm already feeling bad, exhausted, and emotionally worn, that it's hard to be "on" as a mom.  We don't have any family close that I can call upon to help {especially in a crunch or when I'm having a day and need a break} which adds that much more stress of doing it alone.  I don't have any time for me.  I mean literally, the only time I have for me is when I'm done with work, usually around 11:30 at night.  By then I'm so exhausted all I can think about is bed.  With Bugs' middle of the night awakenings and early risings, I'm not getting anywhere near enough sleep.  And every day the cycle repeats itself, the only difference is I'm a little more tired and a little more worn down.  

I know this too will pass {I've been hearing that a lot these days, frankly it's getting a little annoying} but right now the world is feeling pretty big.  And all I want to do is wrap my arms around Bug and let her know everything will be alright.