What makes a "peaceful parent"

My sister and I both, along with many others I know, follow a Facebook page called Peaceful Parenting. It is a wonderful site and provides us with so much useful information. For the most part I really enjoy this site and it fosters my inner "peaceful parent". There is however, a part of it that I very much do not agree with. They are self proclaimed "intactivists". For those who may not know what that means, they are very much anti circumcision. This blog post is a very personal one for me and a very sensitive one.
This is a touchy subject for many people. One that is very personal and I believe one that should not be judged. The other day as I was doing my daily FB check up I came across a question that was posted on there. The gist of it was this "how can a parent be an attachment parent and be pro-circumcision?". This post was made by a page called Saving Our Sons. I was enraged. Z and I made the decision to circumcise J for a variety of different reasons. I never thought of us as "mutilating" our child or "cutting" him as they so often refer to  it as. It sounds so violent and I certainly do not think Z and I are anything but loving parents. We love J sooo much and made this choice based off of our love for him and the facts we were presented with at the time. Misinformed? Absolutely. It's a topic I get very upset about when it comes to the medical world. We put so much trust in these Doctors to inform us and deliver us with both sides of the coin. Often times, they do not. As with this, we were told of all the bad things that could happen and that it's a "routine" procedure. It was a struggle up until the day I went in to labor. In the end, we made the decision to go ahead with it. One that I regret in some ways. That is why that question got me so upset. It was like adding salt to my open wound, a wound that I am working so hard on healing.

After processing this for a few days I keep thinking to myself, what makes a peaceful parent? This 'saving our sons' has basically said that you can not circumcise your son and be an attachment parent. What merit do they hold to take that title away from a parent, or to put stipulations on what an attachment parent means? Would they say the same thing about vaccinating? Giving vaccines is a choice that parents make for their child right? I don't think it's a right or wrong one way, I think it's a choice. What about natural childbirth vs. receiving an epidural? Does that start you off on the wrong foot of being a "peaceful parent". Co-sleeping vs. not? Breastfeeding vs. formula? These are choices we make as parents. We are confronted with tough decisions from the moment we find out we are pregnant. How do we know what the "right" decision is? I believe that parenting is a huge learning curve and that there is no "right". Have I changed as a parent from when J was born vs. when Eme was born? Absolutely. I have learned so much and my knowledge has expanded. I feel as though I have evolved as a parent over the past three years. I have learned that there is not one "right" way. Parenting is so much about what works for your child, your family. Z and I have veered off the mainstream course and are beginning to make decisions for our kids that others may question. I certainly don't want people to judge us based upon our decisions, I want people to acknowledge, from one parent to another, that we are doing what works for us.

I believe that Z and I are attachment, peaceful parents. Our children are filled with so much love from us, we nurture them, comfort them when they are hurt or sad, respect their feelings, embrace them for who they are and do not try and make them be who they are not. We have also chosen to have a big family bed, nurse them both on demand- J until 19 months and Eme is still going strong, vaccinate on some and not others, J was born in a hospital with no epidural and Eme at a freestanding birth center, baby wear them both as much as we can, not let them cry it out. These are our choices. I have many friends who choose other and I am in no place to judge them. This 'SOS' has made us feel that because of a choice we no longer are put in this category.

I believe that there are many parents out there that are peaceful parents. Most parents genuinely do what they think is best for their child. Making a decision that you later regret is not deserving of having that title taken away. When your children's love baskets are full, in my opinion, you are doing something that is right.

This blog post may be a controversial one. That is not my intentions. I am still mending some deep wounds. If Z and I were to have a boy again would we choose to circumcise him? I can't answer that. I hope that when the day comes when J asks us the why's we will be able to tell him in a loving way why we made this choice. I pray that he will not be resentful of our decision. For now, I am still working on my healing process. I'm hopeful that when that day does come, I'll feel stronger than I am today talking about it. This blog post is part of my healing, part of me standing strong as a parent. So just know, all parents make mistakes and/or choices they regret afterward. That doesn't take away from who you are as a parent, it makes you exactly that, a parent, a human being. Don't lose sight of who are as a parent and stand strong knowing your love for your children will overpower many of the other things.

XO