I received an early morning text from one of my closest girlfriends that read this, " my mother in law is giving me grief about not letting "baby" cry it out. Argh!". I of course picked up the phone and immediately called her and gave her encouraging mama words, over her voicemail. She was feeling judged and as though she needed to defend her reasons for not wanting to let her son scream in his crib. She later went on to tell me that during their conversation she told her mother in law, "I just don't want him to feel abandoned by me". Her mother in law's response was this, "{laugh} they get over it real quick".
I left our conversation feeling a mix of emotions. I was so happy that she called me and that I was able to give her the support she needed. I was also frustrated for her. I felt so sad that she had to be put in this position of defending herself and possibly questioning whether or not she was doing something wrong. I have never been one to let my kids cry it out. I have gotten much flack because of this and I one time let Jabes scream in his pack 'n' play until his little body finally fell asleep with exhaustion, all because another mom stood behind me and made me feel the pressure that I was spoiling him by answering his cries. Never again have I done it. Yes, there have been many moments in time where I have wanted to let Jabes and/or Eme scream because I am exhausted and sick of rocking, nursing, swaying them. There have been countless times where I have gotten up and left the room so I can take a deep breath, but I always return to their side and I am there to help them fall asleep. There are also many moments where I think life would be easier if I could put them both in their respected beds for naps/bedtime and they would fall asleep, but in the end this is how we choose to parent.
During our conversation my girlfriend "confessed" that sometimes she doesn't even put him down when he's sleeping. {gasp}! I'm only kidding, but sometimes that's how I feel. It's like we have to whisper this piece of information because God forbid we hold our babies once they reach a certain age! I have a terrible time understanding why people are so intrigued by parents that hold their 6, 9, 12 month olds while they sleep, or that sleep with us, or mom's that nurse past a year. I can't tell you how many times people have said to me, "I don't get how you can all sleep in one bed". I never turn around and look at them and say, "I don't get how you don't". Part of being a parent is doing what works for you and for you family, that's the beauty of parenting. This friend of mine is juggling being a part time working mama (3 days) and an at home mama the other two. She feels like most of us do, life moves so fast, and her little one is almost 7 months. When she's home with him she wants to hold him, snuggle him, take in his sweet baby smell, stare at his eyes as they flutter while he dreams, and cradle him next to her. Because one day, he will be too big to snuggle like that and one day he won't want to be in his mama's arms like a baby. One day, she will have another baby and life will move amazingly fast and she will have to juggle her time between her two. This friend of mine, what an inspiration she is. She is trusting her mama intuition and what it's telling her is that for now, her baby needs her. He needs her to hold him, answer his cries and be there for him. I only wish I trusted myself as much the first time around as she is and that I didn't succumb to the pressures of those around me. Life is full of critics and everyone else has the answers. But as we all know deep down, no one knows our children as well as we do. It's hard to put those judgments behind us and to stand strong, it's something I battle everyday, but if we don't stand up for our kids who will? We are their advocates and each child has different needs. As I've written in posts prior to this one, there is no right way. We live in a world of different perspectives, different morals and values, different passions, different personalities; so many differences, yet somehow we need to learn to get along and support one another. We don't have to agree with everything but we do need to learn to stop judging. To my dear friend, thank you for you phone call. Thank you for the reminder that even though you and I parent differently in many areas, we can still be each other's support system. To those of you reading, let us try and stop judging those around us. Instead, let us offer support and encouraging words, even though maybe we don't agree 100%.
~Megs
~Megs
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| My sweeties enjoying a nap together |
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