Taking the stay at home plunge..

By request of a friend who is considering being a SAHM, she was wondering what a typical day looks like for us. She had the standard questions I think most do when considering making this change. 1) what do you do with the kids? Do they get bored? Do you get bored?, 2)How do you socialize the kids, and 3) MONEY!




I've only been fully home with the kids for the past 14 months. Although I've never left J, I have always been working in someway, him tagging along for the ride. I had a 5 month break from the time he was 11 months until he was 16 months but not again until he was 2. It is a huge lifestyle change when you decide to take this plunge and it's a big change for everyone. I remember waking up the first day I was "home" with him thinking it felt like a day off. I wanted to cram as much as I could in to the day because this couldn't possibly last! In that same breath, I wanted to savor each moment with him because again, this couldn't possibly last! I am still adjusting to what it means to be at home with my kids. A year after Emelyn's birth and I'm still figuring this whole thing out! The balancing act is a never ending battle. You hear from one person that your kids are being "spoiled" having you around all the time and they need to learn to be comforted by other people and then you hear from another person that they are so lucky to have you be at home. For me, it feels best being home with my kids and that's what I listen to.

Back to the original question! I'm going to answer the questions first and hopefully it will also give you a glimpse in to what a typical day/week is like!

1) What do I do with the kids?
It has taken me some time to get in to a groove with them. I used to be go go go all the time with them. Running from one thing to the next, trying to keep them stimulated at all moments. Now, I've slowed down. We have our playgroup that we go to one day a week and J (and Eme too, as a lap baby) will be attending a Waldorf class one day a week. That's all I plan to have scheduled for them. I try really hard to keep two days a week as at home days (that however, does not happen each week, but one day a week for sure), and be consistent with it as much as I can. Coming off of a weekend, which is usually really busy, I like to keep Mondays as a day at home. We catch up on laundry, lounge around in our pj's most of the day, do "chores" around the house, bake, paint, and really just play, but keep it low key; a chill out day.
The one other day out of the week that we keep open for a 'free for all day' these are some of the things we do.
-Zoo
-Library
-Children's Museum
-Science Museum
-drop in and play
-choo choo bobs
-play dates with friends
-drop in at gymnastics places
-eagles nest
-parks
-visit with my grandma
-visit Z at work or my mother in law
-errands

I really honestly can say that we can never not find something to do. Usually I feel the opposite, we have too much to do! There are days that I get bored, yes. I think also that there are times when the kids get bored too, but I think that's important for all of us. When they get bored I think it pushes us to find something creative to do. We go on nature walks or we find a craft or turn on music and dance. When J gets bored it fosters his creativity a bit more. The other day I walked down to find all his animals stacked on top of his cars. He must have gotten bored just driving them so he decided to improvise!

3) What about socialization for the kids?
This has also been something that I've worked on over time. J has always been at home with me but has always been around other kids. Even still being around a wide variety of children he still is a little bugger about sharing and waiting his turn (temperament definitely!). I have always had to work really hard with him on this so I knew I needed to find ways to "socialize" him. He needed some buddies. When I first started being at home, I didn't have hardly any friends that had kids. If they did they weren't the same age as him and what he needed was to be around kids of similar age who were developmentally at the same place (it was also important to be around kids who were younger and older to teach him different skills). This was a something that took time to build. I started him in ECFE which was great. I met moms through there who obviously had kids the same age. I stopped being shy (yes I can be shy at times) and started being more outspoken (that sounds more like me huh!) and asking other parents if they wanted to exchange phone numbers/emails. It started in ECFE and I just kept it going. If I met a mom at the park who had a child J's age and we got along I would ask her for her contact info. I felt like if I was at home I needed to find my network. It's still expanding. The birth center was the BEST place for me to meet other moms. The mom's group there introduced me to like minded moms and I have developed some of the greatest relationships with these women, they have truthfully helped me get through this first year with two immensely. I recently joined a yahoo homeschool group and the kids and I started attending a homeschool playgroup one day a week back in August. Here too, I have met some amazing parents, all with kids around the same age and it has been a wonderful thing for J. I am hopeful that when we start our Waldorf class we will meet other families there as well.
Building your support takes time, but it will happen. And unless you plan to keep your children cooped up in the house 7 days a week they will get interaction with other children and they are not going to be socially inept, contrary to what some may think! I think having it on our radars as parents helps us to make it a priority.

3) How do you make it work financially?
I'm pretty sure this has to be the biggest question when deciding whether or not to stay home. This is where, for us at least, the biggest change had to be made. Everyone's financial "goals" are different so this is one area where it may work for one family but not for another. This is how we make it work.
-our lease on our camry ended in December 2010 and decided not having a car payment was something of necessity. We now pay cash for cars, and they are nothing fancy!
-we menu plan for two weeks at a time and grocery shop for those two weeks. We do have to do little trips in between to get fresh produce but that's about it. We don't eat a lot of meat because it's so expensive. Sundays are our big family meat meal day. The other days out of the week we eat mostly vegetarian.
-I buy all of our clothes on sale or used (my goal for this year is to buy the kids clothes at a second hand store or garage sales for the entire year)
- we don't have cable
-we eat out minimally
-love craigslist

I have a long way to go when it comes to cutting corners. This year is a year of simplifying and limiting my spending. I admit I like to spend. I have a weakness when it comes to buying things for the kids but I also want to stay at home with them. Everything comes with a price right? We have made lots of sacrifices and say no to a lot of things but for us it works.

For as long as I can remember I wanted to be an at home mom. I never knew how hard it would be on so many different levels. It is the most exhausting and rewarding job I have ever done. Each day I am learning and am taking it one day at a time. At the end of it all I am willing to do what it takes so I can continue doing this amazing job that I love more than anything. But I do understand that being at home is not for everyone and you have to do what is best for your family. I respect working parents equally as much as sahp, the balancing act on both ends is a constant struggle.

How do you make it work? What ways do you cut corners to make being at home possible?

XO