wait.

It rolls off my tongue a lot .. "I can't wait ...". "I can't wait until I get engaged", "I can't wait until I'm married", "I can't wait until I'm pregnant",  "I can't wait until he's here", "I can't wait until they smile", "I can't wait until he's crawling, walking, talking .." etc. The truth is though, I can wait. I should have waited more. I've realized with the birth of our Seyla Kate that life happens fast. I remember the last 4 weeks of her pregnancy going sooo slow. I wanted her in my arms. I didn't embrace those last kicks or the last moments of us as a family of four. Then she arrived, and time seems to be flying by, faster than I want it to. I admit to having a problem with being patient on things! I want things to happen right then and there .. it's not my strong suit! While that fact still remains what I have learned is that I can wait. I can wait for her smiles and her laughs. I can wait for her to roll and crawl and walk. I can wait for Emelyn to go to preschool or Jameson to go to kindergarten. Three is a dreadful age in my mind and there are many days that I want to fast forward to four but I also can wait. Because there will be a day when she's 13 and I'll say I wish she was three again. A day where I'll miss those snuggles and being able to plop her on my hip and have her arms wrapped around my neck so tightly.

There's a reason we have to wait. We are given these moments and phases to enjoy and take it all in. I find myself staring at Seyla wondering how it's been almost 3 months since she was born. She's almost 15 pounds, trying to roll over, smiling all the time, little giggles, talking to us and not looking any bit of a newborn anymore. Emelyn is three and full of attitude these days. In that same breath she mesmerizes me with her fun personality, her infectious laugh and her free spirit. I love that she wakes up first thing and asks "where's Seyla laly". I love that she plays so carefully with her dollies but also drives cars on a daily basis. She looks up to her big brother and follows in his every footstep. She has a love for clothes and shoes and anything sparkly. She loves spending time just us girls. Mr. Jameson, he's big. I can't believe it's been 5 years since he was placed in my arms. My little red headed baby who was such a blessing to Zach and me. He is so passionate about things, his red hair being quite fitting for his strong willed little personality. His love for his new baby is something I wish I could document every day. He loves everything mechanical .. cars, airplanes (his new passion), ships, trucks .. he loves reading books and learning new facts. I love his huge heart and how deep he loves those around him. He's a good friend. His dad is his best friend and loves puttering around with him in the garage. These are the things I don't want to forget, the moments of this phase this age.

All these things power through those hard daily moments. My house is a mess, I'm exhausted, overwhelmed some days, I often go two days without showering, I live off of coffee and I complain about the hard moments. But as my sweet Seyla has taught me, take a moment to pause and reflect mama, on all the good that there is. Because if I open my eyes, I'm surrounded by lots of love, beautiful healthy children, a house to keep us warm, and a husband who loves me. All the rest, yep it's hard, but years from now I will look back and say it was all worth it .. because it is. So take a moment to wait. Don't wish the next phase to come tomorrow but instead embrace the today, the smiles and the tears ...