A Bad Day

Today was a bad day.

It all started last night. After a particularly difficult day yesterday at home and at work, a close friend and I decided a drink to chill out after work was in order.  Given the nature of the business we work in {local tv news}, we didn't even leave until after 11.  We had a wonderful time chatting about everything, winding down, and left after less than 1 beer.  When I got home I mistakenly got sucked into a real estate app and was up until 130.

Bug woke up at 2.  I mean wide awake.  She had to go potty and wanted something to drink.  Did them both and crawled into bed with her hoping she'd fall asleep after a few minutes.  2 hours later I had it.  She wanted me to sing to her, eat something, play with her toys, go into the living room, wondered where dad was {sleeping}, where the dog was {sleeping}, what they were doing {sleeping!}, play, talk, and whatever else a 2 year old could think of.  All of this in addition to the flip flopping that was going on in the twin size bed, to include elbows to the face and head butts to the nose {all accidental but painful nonetheless}.

I got up and asked Husband to come in a relieve me for a bit, hoping he'd have better luck.  Nope.  She pitched seriously the biggest fit, much too loud for an apartment at 4 in the morning, so I went back in and she calmed down.  Score.  Now she'll fall asleep.  Why do I even allow myself to think like that?  I only tease myself and it makes the bite sting that much worse.  She was up for at least another hour.  I finally fell asleep on  what was feeling like an itty bitty twin bed at 5, I have no idea when she fell asleep.  Of course she was up at 815.

The morning progressed nicely, she was in good spirits {really? how?} and I was in a fog.  I was mildly irritated when I took a sip of coffee only to instantly grow hair on my chest.  Husband later told me the coffee pot broke this morning {gasp!} and only brewed a half pot of the strongest coffee I've ever had.  I instantly regretted giving the 6 diet Pepsi's to a friend yesterday in my attempt to kick that habit {4 weeks and I'm still craving it}.  But I pulled up my big girl panties and decided to get out of my funk and try to enjoy the beautiful day.  We went to the park and met a sweet little boy and his dad there, and the kids played for a long time.

We came home for lunch and that's when it turned ugly.  And I mean ugly.  She only at the grapes I had on her plate, started throwing food and banging her fork on the glass plate.  I was done.  She was done.  Into bed we went.  Read our stories, lit the candle and sang songs.  She wasn't having it.  It was 2 am all over again.  Talking, flip flopping more than a politician, and then the sassiness came out.  Game breaker.  I tried everything for an hour to get her to sleep and she tried everything for an hour to not fall asleep.  It wasn't pretty at times, I yelled and she cried, she yelled and I cried, and I found myself stepping away for a moment or two a few times.  I was over it.  I was tired of the whining, kicking, being touched, sassiness, and just lack of sleep.    

Exhausted, hardly having any caffeine, and no food {I forgot to eat breakfast-a major no-no for me} is a bad combo.  I finally surrendered and decided it wasn't worth the battle. I apologized to her for yelling {and probably scaring her}, and told her she needed to spend her quite time in her room.  In that time I was able to eat something, get a load of laundry done, pick up a few things, calm myself down and write this.  I'm feeling a little bit more refreshed and my heart smiled when I heard her singing the song I made up for her when she was a baby.

Have you had these day?  What did you do to make it through them?

~Jess

Our stories

A few posts back I had mentioned my new found love for photography. As days pass I find myself enjoying this new passion more and more. When I look back at photos I think my love for it was always there but I lacked the confidence in myself that I was anything other than a mom behind the camera. I'm beginning to trust myself more, read more about photography, my husband has been teaching me how to edit in adobe photo shop, listen to advice from others (particularly my lovely sister whose speciality is just this) and take more risks.

Beauty is all around us.. if we look around we see all the beauty the world has to offer. 

One thing I've learned in this process is that photography is a lot like writing. It speaks to us and we all interpret it differently. For me, like writing, photography is a way of getting more personal with others. A way of learning more about a person and seeing the beauty that lies within. This past week was the first time I went completely out of my comfort zone and photographed a friend's little ones. I was extremely nervous, I have no experience whatsoever other than snapping pictures of my own children. In the end what I learned was so much more than photography 101. What I learned was that each family, each child, each person has their own story and it speaks to you when you are the one behind the lens. I may not be a professional and who knows if I will ever go anywhere with this new passion but if I can capture the story that each person carries with them then I've done good. My goal as an aspiring photographer is to make you feel something when you look at a photo. I don't want it to be just another photo, I want their to be an emotion behind it. Here is a glimpse in to my own world as well as some photos of the sweet little girls I was able to be a part of.

Megs

This photo captures my J soo well. He is a mover and a shaker and jumping gives him so much excitement!

Their relationship is growing each and every day. 

Our Eme Lu! She has so much spunk and zest about her. She knows what she wants and is determined to get it. In that same breath, she has her dad's easy going nature. Not sure how they go hand and hand but she makes it work!

A classic parenting moment I captured!

Baby love!!

This sweet little one is just a month over a year. She has such a calm and easy going disposition about her.

I love this photo for so many reasons but mostly because it captures childhood so well. The simple pleasures that make our kids happy. This sweet girl is just that, soo sweet and caring. xo

Even though it was nap time you wouldn't know it. Sweet smiles from this little beauty.

Sisters. Enough said.

Free spirits our little ones are.

First Dates



Last weekend Husband and I went on our first date since Bug was born.  For those who are doing the math, yup, it's been 2 1/2 years since we've been out, just the two of us. 



My dad came down from Minnesota to watch Bug for us.  We had a wedding on a Friday night, which meant he had to take Friday off to make it here in time for us to leave.  It was quite an ordeal just to get her.  I was afraid it was a sign for how the rest of the night was going to go.  He had to stop by my sister's house to pick up some new bedding for Bug (firetrucks!!!) and then when he was only a half hour away, he blew a tire.  But he had that tire changed and back on the road in 10 minutes!  All day Bug was asking where Boppy (her sweet name for him) was and would stare out the window watching for him.  When he pulled up, she was screeching in pure excitement and wanted absolutely nothing to do with either me or her dad. 

Bear hugs and jumping up and down, laughing and yelling, she was giddy.  Her Boppy was here to spend the night with her.  I had prepped her by telling  her mommy and daddy were going to go on a date and Boppy was going to come stay with her.  She looked at me and said, "me and Boppy go on a date."  Seriously sweet.  Then she asked if she and Boppy could have pizza on their date.  Ah-dorable.  She had the night planned out and first thing on the list, go to the park.  Both Husband and I had to beg her for hugs and kisses as she ran out the door.  I thought it was going to be tears and prying her out of my arms, promising her we'll be back in only a few hours and expecting to call it an early night.  As it turns out, it was the exact opposite.  It was I who was in near tears, they had to pry her out of MY arms, and I wanted to call it an early night because I wanted to see her.  The irony. 



This was the picture I got from Boppy giving me the status update.

Hubby and I left for our date and Bug was on hers.  After the ceremony, I called my dad to check in and they were eating dinner (pizza of course).  Then it was off to bed.  I got a text at 7:30, she was in bed and asleep.  No problems, she snuggled up next to Boppy and fell asleep with out a single peep.  Seriously.  How in the world?  I was totally shocked, yet not at all.  She loves her Boppy so much, there is a special bond between them that you can see but there are no words to describe it.  So it didn't surprise me at all to hear she did so well with him. 



Bug went on her first date and we went on ours.  We had a great time together and can't wait for Boppy to come visit again.  Bug has been talking about him all week, wondering when the next date will be.  We are so lucky to have family who are apart of our lives, I don't know what we'd do without them (which makes living in different states that much harder).  

Have you gone on a date since having children?  Where did you go and who stayed with the kid(s)?  How did they do?  How did you do?

  
~Jess

Stop judging and start supporting

It's been a while since we've written on here. Life seems to be moving at an insanely rapid pace these past few weeks. After a recent phone call with a dear friend of mine I was inspired to tap these keys once again.

I received an early morning text from one of my closest girlfriends that read this, " my mother in law is giving me grief about not letting "baby" cry it out. Argh!". I of course picked up the phone and immediately called her and gave her encouraging mama words, over her voicemail. She was feeling judged and as though she needed to defend her reasons for not wanting to let her son scream in his crib. She later went on to tell me that during their conversation she told her mother in law, "I just don't want him to feel abandoned by me". Her mother in law's response was this, "{laugh} they get over it real quick". 

I left our conversation feeling a mix of emotions. I was so happy that she called me and that I was able to give her the support she needed. I was also frustrated for her. I felt so sad that she had to be put in this position of defending herself and possibly questioning whether or not she was doing something wrong. I have never been one to let my kids cry it out. I have gotten much flack because of this and I one time let Jabes scream in his pack 'n' play until his little body finally fell asleep with exhaustion, all because another mom stood behind me and made me feel the pressure that I was spoiling him by answering his cries. Never again have I done it. Yes, there have been many moments in time where I have wanted to let Jabes and/or Eme scream because I am exhausted and sick of rocking, nursing, swaying them. There have been countless times where I have gotten up and left the room so I can take a deep breath, but I always return to their side and I am there to help them fall asleep. There are also many moments where I think life would be easier if I could put them both in their respected beds for naps/bedtime and they would fall asleep, but in the end this is how we choose to parent. 

During our conversation my girlfriend "confessed" that sometimes she doesn't even put him down when he's sleeping. {gasp}! I'm only kidding, but sometimes that's how I feel. It's like we have to whisper this piece of information because God forbid we hold our babies once they reach a certain age! I have a terrible time understanding why people are so intrigued by parents that hold their 6, 9, 12 month olds while they sleep, or that sleep with us, or mom's that nurse past a year. I can't tell you how many times people have said to me, "I don't get how you can all sleep in one bed". I never turn around and look at them and say, "I don't get how you don't". Part of being a parent is doing what works for you and for you family, that's the beauty of parenting. This friend of mine is juggling being a part time working mama (3 days) and an at home mama the other two. She feels like most of us do, life moves so fast, and her little one is almost 7 months. When she's home with him she wants to hold him, snuggle him, take in his sweet baby smell, stare at his eyes as they flutter while he dreams, and cradle him next to her. Because one day, he will be too big to snuggle like that and one day he won't want to be in his mama's arms like a baby. One day, she will have another baby and life will move amazingly fast and she will have to juggle her time between her two. This friend of mine, what an inspiration she is. She is trusting her mama intuition and what it's telling her is that for now, her baby needs her. He needs her to hold him, answer his cries and be there for him. I only wish I trusted myself as much the first time around as she is and that I didn't succumb to the pressures of those around me.  Life is full of critics and everyone else has the answers. But as we all know deep down, no one knows our children as well as we do. It's hard to put those judgments behind us and to stand strong, it's something I battle everyday, but if we don't stand up for our kids who will? We are their advocates and each child has different needs. As I've written in posts prior to this one, there is no right way. We live in a world of different perspectives, different morals and values, different passions, different personalities; so many differences, yet somehow we need to learn to get along and support one another. We don't have to agree with everything but we do need to learn to stop judging. To my dear friend, thank you for you phone call. Thank you for the reminder that even though you and I parent differently in many areas, we can still be each other's support system. To those of you reading, let us try and stop judging those around us. Instead, let us offer support and encouraging words, even though maybe we don't agree 100%.

~Megs

My sweeties enjoying a nap together