3 months.

 ... and all the things I never want to forget about this beautiful little being. My heart keeps expanding.

Seyla Kathryn
3 months. 15 pounds. She loves her hands. She smiles all the time. Jabes and Em love her. and kiss her all. the. time.! She's started giggling. I love her chubby back rolls and her double chin. She might be the most easy going baby ever. She sleeps 4-5 hours at night. She's a great nurser. She knows if Z or I aren't holding her and cries. She talks constantly when laying on her back. I love her baby squeal when she talks to us. She's a drooler. She's so close to rolling over. Her favorite place to nap is on mom or dad. All of her .. she's pure perfection and fits so perfectly in to our family. I am simply in love with this little lady.

**you've been warned .. there's a ton of photos!!

wait.

It rolls off my tongue a lot .. "I can't wait ...". "I can't wait until I get engaged", "I can't wait until I'm married", "I can't wait until I'm pregnant",  "I can't wait until he's here", "I can't wait until they smile", "I can't wait until he's crawling, walking, talking .." etc. The truth is though, I can wait. I should have waited more. I've realized with the birth of our Seyla Kate that life happens fast. I remember the last 4 weeks of her pregnancy going sooo slow. I wanted her in my arms. I didn't embrace those last kicks or the last moments of us as a family of four. Then she arrived, and time seems to be flying by, faster than I want it to. I admit to having a problem with being patient on things! I want things to happen right then and there .. it's not my strong suit! While that fact still remains what I have learned is that I can wait. I can wait for her smiles and her laughs. I can wait for her to roll and crawl and walk. I can wait for Emelyn to go to preschool or Jameson to go to kindergarten. Three is a dreadful age in my mind and there are many days that I want to fast forward to four but I also can wait. Because there will be a day when she's 13 and I'll say I wish she was three again. A day where I'll miss those snuggles and being able to plop her on my hip and have her arms wrapped around my neck so tightly.

There's a reason we have to wait. We are given these moments and phases to enjoy and take it all in. I find myself staring at Seyla wondering how it's been almost 3 months since she was born. She's almost 15 pounds, trying to roll over, smiling all the time, little giggles, talking to us and not looking any bit of a newborn anymore. Emelyn is three and full of attitude these days. In that same breath she mesmerizes me with her fun personality, her infectious laugh and her free spirit. I love that she wakes up first thing and asks "where's Seyla laly". I love that she plays so carefully with her dollies but also drives cars on a daily basis. She looks up to her big brother and follows in his every footstep. She has a love for clothes and shoes and anything sparkly. She loves spending time just us girls. Mr. Jameson, he's big. I can't believe it's been 5 years since he was placed in my arms. My little red headed baby who was such a blessing to Zach and me. He is so passionate about things, his red hair being quite fitting for his strong willed little personality. His love for his new baby is something I wish I could document every day. He loves everything mechanical .. cars, airplanes (his new passion), ships, trucks .. he loves reading books and learning new facts. I love his huge heart and how deep he loves those around him. He's a good friend. His dad is his best friend and loves puttering around with him in the garage. These are the things I don't want to forget, the moments of this phase this age.

All these things power through those hard daily moments. My house is a mess, I'm exhausted, overwhelmed some days, I often go two days without showering, I live off of coffee and I complain about the hard moments. But as my sweet Seyla has taught me, take a moment to pause and reflect mama, on all the good that there is. Because if I open my eyes, I'm surrounded by lots of love, beautiful healthy children, a house to keep us warm, and a husband who loves me. All the rest, yep it's hard, but years from now I will look back and say it was all worth it .. because it is. So take a moment to wait. Don't wish the next phase to come tomorrow but instead embrace the today, the smiles and the tears ...

beautiful.

Yesterday my Eme Lu was playing dress up. As she got herself all set she walked in to the hallway and said "do you think I look pretty mama?". I stopped. Unsure of what I wanted to say. Normally a response of "yes you look very pretty" would suffice but not this time. Nope. I looked at her in her dress walked over and picked her up and said "honey I think you are always pretty". Because she is.

How do you explain that to your three year old. As she responded with "do you think I look pretty in my dress mama?". "Yes Emelyn, I do think you look pretty in your dress. But I also think you look pretty in your pajamas too." I left it at that. There was no more to say to her because let's face it, she's three. I pondered this conversation for the past day. I finally realized that as a mom to two girls I am going to try my hardest to tell them they are always pretty. Not because of what they are wearing but because THEY are pretty. Their souls are beautiful. I pray that I teach them that having the newest clothes or the best haircut or the biggest "girls" or the nicest car .. that none of these "things" defines beauty. I want them, and Jameson, to know that beauty truly is about who you are. The acts of kindness that you do. How you present yourself. Mainly, how you feel about yourself. And while all of those superficial things can make a person look pretty they also don't make you feel pretty unless you genuinely feel that you are a beautiful person, in and out. We live in a tough world. People are mean. Girls especially seem to say very hurtful things to one another, about one another. If I can teach Eme and Seyla, and Jameson for that matter, a strong foundation to walk through this tough world then maybe, just maybe they will always believe they are beautiful ... because I sure do.

A year later and I'm back ...

I've been sitting here for over an hour. Staring at this screen and then contemplating starting fresh on a new blog all together. Except when I started to write a new blog, my heart wasn't in it. And as I went back and read posts that my sister and I had written, together, I knew this was where I needed to be.

Not sure what to write after a year but also feeling like I have so much to say. Life happened and somehow I haven't written in over a year. I have drafts that I've started writing, gotten distracted by something or someone and never came back to. But here I sit with so much going through my head, so many things I want to share with the world ... my beautiful kids, my life as a stay at home mom, my messy house that I swear will one day be picked up, my photography ... so much that I feel needs to be documented and a small story book for my kids to look back at. A reminder of the little pieces of their child hood. A glimpse in to our beautiful imperfectly perfect world. Stay tuned ... I am back and ready to write.

xo
Megs

Over-scheduled and it begins..

Z and I decided to sign Jameson up for soccer this fall. We were quite hesitant about it because he doesn't do super well in situations that are so fast pace, loud and overstimulating. He is similar to his dad in that he is more sit back, watch, and take it all in. Over time we are learning that he is more of an introvert, needing more time alone and small bursts of stimulation. Soccer was a big step for all of us. 

For me it signals the start of all this over-scheduling. I don't like kids to be crammed full of activities and I think it's nice to decide each day what we want to do. Some days we just feel like being at home while others we decide we want to meet some friends for a couple of hours of play. We decided though, that with our neighbor being the coach, that this would be a good opportunity for Jabes to play on a "team". Thursdays are practice and Saturday mornings are games, phew it seems like a lot and both Z and I were pretty hesitant. Our hesitations increased as we watched Jameson at the last practice and today for his first game. Not wanting to participate at all, clinging to us, whining and not being very into the team game. He seemed lost on the field (can't really blame him though, he has never heard a word about soccer from either of us and he's only just turning 4). After a lot of coaxing, negotiations, sitting out for the first half and his Nama showing up he was ready to go in with his neighbor buddy Logan.

Having his neighbor buddy beside him helped him ease in to this.

And while Z and I stood on the sideline exchanging looks of "I'm not so sure this was the right choice", all while trying to not get frustrated and continue to encourage him to play. The moment he stepped on that field we both looked at each other with close to tears in our eyes, feeling so proud of him. It was a huge step for him, putting his anxieties aside and trying something new. At the end of it all, he really enjoyed it. I'm not so sure what next practice or game will bring but for today, it was a success. My little carrot topped almost four year old amazes us yet again. A few more from the remainder of his two "shifts" in his little 40 minute game. Don't tear up too much Oma! 

xo

Megs

He insists that he scored a goal! With a smile on his face, feeling so proud!

This was the end of the game. Waiting to high five the other team and not quite certain what he was supposed to do! He looks so little and melts me in this picture.